You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
