Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
