If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
