My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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