Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
