i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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