I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
