I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
