i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
