News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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