filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
