when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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