i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
