Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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