girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
