that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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