just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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