Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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