Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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