Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
