dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
