Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
