i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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