atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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