hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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