i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
