i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
