All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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