thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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