Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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