First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
