i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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