sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
