I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
