You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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