I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
time to smoke my breakfast
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
