well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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