I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
