My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
