Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
