I think I died a long time ago.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
