tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
