oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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