where am i from again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and she was petting her beer can
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
