I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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