Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
