I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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