32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
