Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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