two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
