Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
