There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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