just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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