i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
