she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
