I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
