She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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