I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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