I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
bring money and cleavage
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
