So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
