she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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