Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
