There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
