The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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