Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
