sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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