Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
