My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
